From Piano Teaching Imposter to Improv and Arranger??

I have a confession.

For many years I had a case of "piano teacher imposter syndrome." I loved playing the piano from the start of lessons at age 8. I quickly progressed and had teachers who poured on the praise because of my speedy progress and diligence. My parents never had to nag me to practice. I loved competing in the Sonatina Festival and feeling the dopamine rush during practice when I mastered a tricky spot.

No Practicing

I was a little heartbroken when I couldn't practice regularly for a couple of years. In my teen years, we relocated and left our old clunker piano behind with plans to buy a better piano in our new home after a move. But then we had some economic challenges when my dad's new company discovered an employee was doing fraudulent crimes and my dad was soon after diagnosed with a rare muscle disease, polymyositis, so buying a piano was put on hold for a while. 

My gracious grandma provided us with some funds to buy another "clunker" and I resumed lessons with a kind neighbor who taught me in exchange for some light housecleaning. I especially loved to play calm sacred music and spent a lot of Sunday afternoons "catching up" on my orchestra practice record by playing hymns on the violin for two or three hours at a time.

I was super studious in school and was thrilled to get a full academic scholarship to the college of my dreams, Brigham Young University, where I planned to studio Piano Pedagogy.  I eagerly enrolled in all the music major classes. I headed to my piano major audition with high hopes.  But I felt a bit frazzled when they only asked me to jump between short excerpts of my pieces and soon got the devastating news that I was not accepted into the major and therefore could not take any of the music classes I had enrolled in.  

College Piano Dropout

I was able to take private piano lessons with the possibility of applying to the program the following year. My confidence had definitely taken a blow and comments from my stern teacher like "No! No! No! You're doing it all wrong" seared into my memory the feeling of being inadequate.  The tears didn't flow until after that lesson when I left the lesson feeling a bit dejected walking through the parking lot. I was intimidated by all the performances required for music majors. I really just wanted to focus on learning to be a private piano teacher, with less emphasis on performing. At the time with my fixed mindset, I also felt like financially I couldn't wait a year and add on a year's worth of college tuition that I couldn't pay for. So I changed my major to Family Science with a Music Minor.

I was grateful to switch to a graduate student instructor for my private piano lessons the next semester. She was so much more encouraging than the Ph.D. professor I started with and a better fit for my personality. She renewed my hopes that I could still teach piano someday and provided me with some excellent pedagogy resources. I still regret not having the courage to take a college "Songwriting" class for non-music majors. I had intentions to sign up, but when I attended the recital of the students who had taken the class I was blown away by their skills and felt like I could never create something that amazing.

Starting Improv and Piano Teaching

After serving a mission, meeting the man of my dreams, and graduating from college, my husband and I worked at a home for troubled teen boys.  We had a piano in the home and I loved hearing one of our boys improvise music based on a few tips about chords he had learned from a friend. He inspired me to start "playing around" on the piano a little more instead of just reading music. 

Four years later we finally bought our very own piano! My neighbor asked if I could start teaching her 4-year-old to play.  I devoured all of Martha Beth Lewis's online tips. My Child Development classes came in handy when I started teaching my first student and I incorporated plenty of play and piano games into lessons.

Later I taught teens in exchange for babysitting services and eventually, I started this blog when I began my preschool piano for a couple of my young children and their friends. 

Now my "preschoolers" are grown up an pursuing their own passions instead of piano.

Piano Teacher Connections

When I moved to Idaho I was thrilled to discover that one of my favorite high school friends, Angela had moved to the same city just a month before! She also taught piano and her ideas transformed the way I ran my studio. I incorporated piano lab activities as part of longer lessons and we began our own festival when the local festival didn't work well with our child-bearing schedule😉.

Attending countless piano teacher workshops, webinars, browsing piano teaching blogs and teaching for 20 years has mostly cured my "imposter syndrome" when it comes to piano teaching. I love the connections I make with other local music teachers in UVMTA and I learn from their strengths but also appreciate as I get to know them more personally that we all have weak or "imposter" areas in life. 

The Create First! and Puzzle Play Series by Forrest Kinney has helped me find more joy in improvising for fun and learning some basic tools for arranging. 

Making music energizes me. I don't record or write much, but here's a quick unpolished improvisation clip I recorded randomly.

Recently I've been dabbling in new territory as I've started arranging a few pieces for my students and my own enjoyment.

Perfection is a Process

Younger children seem to be less inhibited by fear of mistakes. I love how they can just jump into a new experience without fear of failure. Here's a quick clip that my husband filmed of me creating with my friend's daughter when she wanted to "learn piano" at our house. She's never had lessons, so I just invited her to make up music on the black keys while I played a duet, similar to the Create First! approach.

The imposter feeling is creeping back in. I'm probably breaking rules for composing or notation, but I'm finding so much joy in the creative process and sharing what I'm learning with my students. It was delightful to hear one of my students start the process of creating her own hymn arrangement lead sheet style.

Have you ever felt like a piano-teaching imposter? Or have you found the secret sauce to help you compose or arrange music? I'd love to hear your ideas in the comments!